|This is exaclty how she felt about bows! LOL|
I am seeing my therapist now twice a week. I am still making it through this time med free. It takes a lot of energy but I am treading my way through. I have had to take a break from social media for awhile. I didn't realize how harmful it was to be standing completely still in the middle of tragedy while everyone around me went on like nothing had happened. Now I understand that this is just the way it is and I in no way expected it to be any different but it doesn't mean it makes it easy. Nothing about this is easy. Even with God beside me, holding me, whispering his grace in my ear...this journey is still hard. Last night before I got in the shower I just wished for a new life. I did, I seriously thought that I would just trade in all this pain for everything I had. Sometimes it just hurts that bad. Lately I have had a lot of guilt building up inside of me the utter sadness stems from this I am sure. I just wish we could get a do over...but the what ifs are all just a part of the grief the sadness and the missing.