Abba,
My eyes are blinded by my tears. Each day I beg for your help, O LORD; I lift my
hands to you for mercy. (Psalm 88:9)
Lord have mercy on this broken heart. This life that is surrounded by sorrow, nine months of empty memories. Do I have nine more, Do I have nine more years? Did you really have me predestined for this life? Somedays I am so sure of You and I am so willing to walk with You, to talk with You. I am so confident in Your will that I can lay down mine. Somedays it is difficult. Somedays my arms are glued to my side unable to rise at the sound of Your name. The brokeness of my tangled wilted heart is too much to bear. I am mobile but somedays it is just a walking skeleton. My mind, my heart, my body, my soul, they groan, they ache to be with You. I am tired of the enemy and the people he uses to come against me. I am tired of constantly praying against the thoughts of my flesh. The guilt, the what if's, the never going to be's it is so much for one tired soul. I need your power within me Father. Help me Lord every second of every day, help me lay down my wants, my desires, give me the strength and discipline to feed Your spirit, Your power inside this weary soul. Allow Your fruit to seep from my pours. Just like You parted the seas for Moses Lord, please I beg that You part the seas of sorrow within my soul, let the world see You. Let the darkenss that hovers over me be overcome with Your light, with Your glory! My body shivers at the thought of the person I would be without you. Please don't leave, please Father don't bring me to the desert. My Abba, my Faithful and True, I long for the day that I ride behind You in a sea of White Horses I ache to see Your many crowns of glory. Until that day, God, I trust~Your love endures forever and ever Amen.
Yours
Summer Rae
And may it be so. Amen.
ReplyDeleteReading your post, I remember the words that the crowd spoke when Jesus wept at Lazarus' grave..."See how He loved him." And it was there that Martha in the midst of her pain and grief declared for all the world to see, "You are the Christ, the Son of God."
ReplyDeleteI say this just to make sure that you know that your prayers are answered already. We see how you loved her...and it's so sweet to watch. AND we see how much you loved her. She was so worth your love...and her loss is so worth your tears. And we see how you love Him...He is high and exalted in your grief.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for. And in your pain, you are choosing to stand by faith, scanning the horizon...for a day you cannot yet see...but confident in a God who is your only hope. And we stand with you to proclaim that He is hope enough. I'm grateful you share with us all...especially with those of us you don't even know...so that we can praise...and cry with you to a God who hears it all...collects it all...and is honored through it all.