Tonight, I ask three things from God:
Father, quiet me with your love.
The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (Zephaniah 3:17).
Abba, reveal your love in an obvious way.
I love Job chapter 42
I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.... Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.... My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you (Job 42:2-3, 5).
Lord, minister to me.
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword,
it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the
thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)
My weekend ended up being full of distractions, full of them. Today was a quiet day of aftermath. It is crazy how much energy it takes just to be normal. To step out of my submersed grief and into the soil of the living. To laugh, to talk, to enjoy someones company, to listen to others victories and others complaints to share in their joys and grieve in their sorrows. My mind had a difficult time processing anything today. I am pretty sure my therapist circled the description of "crazy" on my symptoms sheet. I could not finish a sentence. I literally just stopped talking in the middle of a verbal thought and said I can not talk about this anymore. She asked if I was ok, I said I was but I literally forgot what I was saying. Poof...the thought was gone. Today I had to spend some time curled in the arms of my Abba. I missed Him in all the distractions, I knew he would understand all the jibber jabber. I knew He would hold me through out the day of silent grief. At least five times I said out loud "Father I don't know, I don't know, I just don't know." Even in the midst of the I don't knows He speaks so clear.