As another month passed us by I think the reality of this life sinks in a little more. I know obviously that Kelsie is in Heaven but the depth and heaviness seem to surface more and more as each month passes. You celebrate the fact that you made it, then your mad that you have to celebrate that. Then you realize that you have another day, and as time keeps moving so does the world around you.
The missing has been so intense the past three days. Last night as I cooked dinner tears fell into my dish towel. Another tear filled casserole. No need for salt. As I stood in the middle of my kitchen crying, Jeff immediately came to hold me and Dylan soon followed. We stood there together and just embraced one another. Jeff and Dylan didn't cry at all, I think they knew that it was my turn and they both wanted to be strong for me. I just sank into Jeff's embrace and wrapped my arm around Dylan's little frame. I cried, I cried because I miss Kelsie. I cried because I just wish I could hold her. I want to clean the lint out of her little toes again. I want to see her smile when I pick her up from Tita's. I want to buy the sailor dress that I have to walk by every single day at Target. I want to scream, but I just cry.