My first instinct is to say that 2011 sucked. But truly only the last 2 1/2 months have been awful. The beginning of this year was amazing. I had a baby girl. I got a new position with ATT. Dylan just keeps getting more amazing. Jeff and I had really started getting this marriage thing down. Everyday life was a blessing. That changed October 13. That day will always define 2011 for me. I don't have any new years resolutions this year. I suppose this year will be filled with much sadness as we continue to walk through this journey of grief. I also know that this year, just as every year before will be filled with blessings.
Dylan is growing up so fast and will be 10 this September. I have started reading a book on parenting through the adolescent years, just to get a head start. It's a whole new world of parenting that I am excited about and yet very apprehensive. No matter what my feelings are on the matter it's coming.
Jeff and I are working through our loss, we are searching for better ways to communicate to each other. We drift, we come together, we fight, we makeup, we laugh, we cry it's the marriage roller coaster and right now it is really bumpy. Most days I just want to throw up I feel so sick but I do know that God is going to lead us out of this and what we will be on the other side is nothing short of amazing.
2011 taught me that there is only one thing that is truly promised to us...grace. In all this tragedy I feel like God has given me another chance at life, another chance to look at what is around me rather than beyond me. This year, 2012, no matter what life gives or takes away, I will "walk by faith". I will rebuild my foundation and brick by brick I will rebuild a better me
You will keep on keeping on. Much love!
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say that yes 2011 was the happiest I have ever seen you. You had everything that you wanted and you deserved every bit of it. When we came for Kelsie's shower I just knew that you had what you needed in life and had never seen you more content and truly happy. I never would have thought in a million years that 2011 would have came to an end with this much pain and heartache. And still to this day sometimes I still can't believe it. I am so glad we got to be with you guys last week. Dylan is an amazing kid and the place he holds in my heart is so very very special. I know it wasn't a sad visit but there were so many times when I had to hold back tears. There were times when the pain was just written all over your face, and that is something my heart can't stand.But then you have this smile and it is real, and that makes my heart smile. I know this next year and years to follow are going to be hard and alot more tears will be shed or even held back but maybe one day the smiles will be more often than the tears. I love you Summer and I can say without a doubt the last two months have been the absolute hardest time I have ever had, but at the same time I truly felt the power of Prayer and I know without a doubt in my mind God has picked this family up and he will never let go. Now there is a puddle of tears on my keyboard but it felt good! I love you sister!!!
ReplyDeleteYour words run deep and I am sure hard to keep. Just keep reminding yourself that you are only human and remember to work hard to hold on(Jeff)and love one another.
ReplyDeleteI love you too sister!!
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