Friday, December 23, 2011

Loving, Missing, Holding

My stockings are hung from the chimney with care, my presents are wrapped with to's and from's, the Christmas tree is beautiful all lit up in the corner surrounded by red white and green wrappings.  The crafts are complete.  From the outside looking in I would say that this home is ready for Christmas.  If you look beyond all that glitters, this Christmas, this home is not ready.  This home is missing something.  A little girl who was taken just too soon.  She will spend her Christmas with Jesus and we will spend ours missing her terribly.  There are presents that just couldn't be bought, to's and from's that where left out.  Cute pajamas that were left on the rack at the store. Left for another family who will celebrate their Christmas with their little girl. In this home there is a husband and a wife who try to love but most days can hardly see through the fog of pain and loneliness to get to other side, to the side of love, hope, joy.  A big brothers whose tears come when he sees his mom so sad.  This Christmas will be a sad one, I can't even pretend otherwise.  I miss my Kelsie and I miss my family the family I had before loss, before tragedy.  We are broken and the mending has only just begun.  I fear the long road ahead. 

Jesus, today, will you hold my sweet girl close to you, tell her you love her and let her know that we love her too. 


  1. I have not stopped crying this morning. I love you and I pray for you Summer I do! I cry for you when I can, sometimes I really cannot or the tears would flood my house. I can't wait to hug you on Monday. I wish I could do that everyday! I love you!

  2. Prayers are with y'all ...,,

  3. No sense pretending ever sweet one. Those who know or know you know better. I believe sweeter moments will come. They're just not there yet, but this hard hard time will not be wasted. Greg and I are proof of that and truly, because of the heavy drinking in our early part, we delayed the happy and peaceful pieces of our lives that can be super glued back together again through Gods sweet mercy, but it is the hard valleys that you will someday discuss and KNOW the only way you made it through. I remember reading your profile page early on. You said the greatest of these is love. It is and where there is love and forgiveness, a sort of healing does happen. You may never be the same but you will be better in some ways, in others, you may be a little damaged. It is out of that sort of brokenness that you will remain a little softer toward others. I know that none of this brings your daughter back. That, the best, is for later and the provision is and has been there all along. Just as His Word has told us we would not be strangers to pain, He has told us our eternity and forever is there with Him. He will wipe away every tear, so He has known that we would and will have them. Though loss is a big surprise to us, He is God and He doesn't hear our news later. I'm not saying that everything is His will, but that He does know and if he allows the tragedy into our lives then He also knows the way He will turn it to our good, just as Romans 8:28 has said. He will make the crooked places straight and He alone can do this. There may even come a day in which you think you are totally healed and that this can never hurt you again. I thought that for a while, but I believe we cannot have a part of ourselves cut off, amputated and never miss it (them). Though the scars heal, there is a part missing forever until our full restoration with those God has given us here. I have never understood those who believe God is not real when they suffer loss. I know they haven't read His Word. Or taken something horribly out of context. Well, once again, I am rambling. I will end this very long comment by just saying I love you. You are actually handling things very well. There are people who weren't able to even leave their own home for a couple of years. God's love (to include the love and support of family and friends) will get you through. When you are able and every chance you get just hold each other and look deep into each others eyes. No words are necessary. The three of you already know. You already know. You'll remember that later too and little by little these times will be more and greater than the sorrow and pain.

  4. Summer
    I have heard your story through a mutual friend. I often read your blog and pray for you daily, tragically enough one of my friends lost their baby boy (5 months old) the same week as you. Tonight I was reading your post and just talking with God, wondering why you, why my friends, why anyone? With that being said, I am also an avid "pinner" on Pintrest, if you will. I don't know what I was looking for and I know for a fact that this will not make anyones pain go away. I did think of you and my friends immediately, it was a sign with this quote:
    "I believe in the sun even when it is not shinning. I believe in love even when I cannot feel it. I believe in God even when He is silent"-written on a wall during the Holocaust
    I can tell by your post that you are trying really hard to "keep the faith" and you should be SO proud of yourself, but understandably having a very difficult time. You give me faith...prayers!