I miss you tonight, just as I do every day, every minute, every second. I went through some old pictures of Dylan tonight. He was (is) such a cutie. I laughed, I cried, I thought about all the moments I have to miss with you. I was really looking forward to having a daughter.
You know when I first found out I was having a little girl, I skipped going back to work and I went to Babies R Us. I just stood in the middle of the little girls clothes and I cried. How was I going to switch from stinky feet, noisy farts, boogers, and dirt to pink bows and frilly clothes. Then you where here and having a daughter was the sweetest gift. Loving you, the pink bows, the frilly clothes was so easy and so much fun. I dressed you up in all of your most uncomfortable, but super cute outfits. I found myself in the bow section of every store. I did my best to keep the bows in your hair (they always ended on the ground or around you neck). I loved putting the cute little socks on you. They always fell off but oh my goodness you where so cute in them. I never imagined that you would one day, so soon, be gone. Yesterday you would have been 8 months, geez 8 months. I had to not think about it too much. I want to, but now a days I have to guide my thoughts elsewhere. I do feel guilty for doing this sometimes, but just know sweet girl, it's just something I have to do because I miss you so so much. I do not do it to forget you, I do it to live, to love, for you!
Missy I just wish we were celebrating all your 8 month milestones tonight and not mourning your absence. Somehow it just doesn't seem fair. Not fair, but it is my story. You, my borrowed angel, are my happiness and your loss is my sadness. The beginning has begun and the happy ending is so very very far away. I do hope heaven is sweet to you and I am certain all our loved ones most be adoring your never ending smile and those big brown eyes. I am sure you have made their heaven richer. I know you made my life so much richer. Which makes loosing you just that much harder to swallow.
Tonight my thoughts are of you and heaven, and God, and love, and loss, and faith, and life, and mercy, and deliverence, and you mostly you and everything that you were and everything that I dreamed you would be!
My daughter, my light, my love
My heart just misses you so much!