Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Mercy, Rain on Me

Today my love, I want to share your laugh.  I would give anything to hear that this morning.  The mornings are becoming unbearable, the days are getting harder, and the nights are sometimes ok.  I just miss you so much more than the day before.  Everyone has said that it has to get worse before it gets better, but each day I think how could tomorrow be worse.  Today I truly do not want to do anything.  I keep going back to bed and then I lay there with this "to do" list going through my head, so I get up.  I have tried to unload the dishwasher at least three different times and I still have not finished.  I can't finish anything.

This morning I woke up with your blanket on the floor, I reached down to pick up and silent tears just fell.  The blanket itself was just not good enough, I needed to feel your sweet body in that blanket.  I wanted to smell your sweet scent, the empty blanket was only a sad reminder of everything that is missing.

When I checked my email this morning there was a "Your baby at 31 weeks" I have unsubscribed to that email at least three times.  Most of the time I immediately delete them, but this morning I was just curious what your milestones this week would be.  Crawling, laughing, eating, maybe waiving (maybe that's a little advanced, but you were super smart).  Oh the life that I loved, that is missed...my sweet Kelsie.


My prayer today is so simple, I really need the strength to finish the task that I need to complete.  Please please give me some sort of focus, some sort of purpose today.

In all I do, I will glorify you,



  1. I will pray for you today Summer. I will pray that before you go to bed tonight your dishwasher will be empty, and maybe have dirty dishes in it. I am just going to pray. I love you sister.

  2. Prayers for comfort and peace for you summer!

  3. The Voiceless Cry

    Jesus, hear us, and let our cry come unto Thee.

    That voiceless cry, that comes from the anguished hearts, is heard above all the music in Heaven.
    It is not the arguments of theologians that solve the problems of a questioning heart, but the cry of that heart unto Me, and the certainty that I have heard.
    Summer, this came from God Calling, it was Nov. 12, but I just read it this morning and I knew it was meant for you for today. Keep crying to Him, my love, He hears your every whimmper. My heart breaks for you every minute of everyday. I love you so much! mom

  4. All I can say is I'm here for you.

  5. I thought of that same God Calling for you. It is the hardest most sorrowful thing and I hurt hurt hurt for you. Prayers and love and feel still a little or a lot frustrated that I cant do more. I will never quit caring. I want to say go back to bed but will just be in agreement with the prayer but you are Gods baby and ours.btw this is Deon.