Monday, November 14, 2011
As we drove away that night in that old turquoise mustang (I think it was a mustang?) you held my hand and we just smiled. Our lives had been sealed with the commitment of better of worse and in good times and bad. We made a vowel to God to love one another and live in the sanctity marriage till death do us part. I believe that promise to still be true. Did I ever imagine that our bad times would be this bad? Oh hell no, I thought we would fight over finances, struggle with the changes that each of us might go through, never did I imagine that the loss of our daughter would be part of that equation.
Married for just a year and a half it feels like our Marriage has not even begun and we are faced with something so tragic and so unbearable. Now we find ourselves working through this newly found grief that neither one of us can truly wrap our hearts around. My words, my feelings, as you know have never come easy, and now even though I know that is something I have to change, I struggle. My dearest Jeff, I can say this without hesitation, you, my love, have made me a better person. I have learned to trust you, to love you, and to cherish you. Those three things I have never been able to do with another. No one has ever worked so hard, and loved me so unconditionally as you. I thank God so many times for allowing me to open my heart to this man who loves Star Wars, keeps an old Tron poster hanging in his office, and laughs at jokes that I will never get. I am sure that most marriages will not experience the "bad" times as we will over the next several years, but I also believe in my heart that we will choose LOVE and we will Love each other right through this. Someday I will look back on this post and I will know you deeper than I ever have and will have a found a love in you that tragedy will never break. I believe I am your beautiful wife and I know without a doubt that you love me because you show me! I pray that you know that you are my faithful, loving, funny, giving, husband whose hand I will hold for better or for worse and whose lips I will kiss everyday!
I Love You