November 11, 2011- Today we should be at your borther's friday live
together. You and I should be there, all the kids turning around to
look at you, all the teachers doting on how cute you are. It's cold
outside, I never really got to bundle you up in all the winter clothes
I had waiting for you. The cute hats, the mittens, the precious little
hot pink cardigan.
Last night we recieved the death
certificate. What?! If there ever was any denial about you being gone,
that slapped me right out of it. A death certificate for a six month
old, cherished girl. I could ask God why, why me? But I know the
answer to that doesn't come and may never come. So I just breathe as I
do every time something like this hits me. The feeling still so raw, so
hard to escape. Today you would be 7 months old. I am sure I would
have taken your picture today to mark the milestone. I am sure I would
have held you tight and wished you a happy 7 month, just as I did with
the precious six.
Oh my God, what I would not give to
old my little girl today, to kiss her, to talk to her, to laugh with
her! Why did you take her, so quickly? Did you not think walking past
her bedroom every morning, every evening and before I went sleep each
night, would not sting? The coldness of her room is unbearable. I
pull into the driveway every day to see her window, again another
reminder of the emptiness I am forced to deal with. Did you not know
how much she would be missed? I keep asking these questions, knowing
that you knew full well that this would hurt, this would sting so now I
am back to why.
Today Lord I will have to find strength
in You to dig deep to remember her life and not dwell on the emptiness
of her death. Today it stings, it stings like hell. The path that has
been forced upon my family, is just too much to take on alone. I could
not find solace in your word this morning like I do most mornings, nothing would comfort me. Even as write, there is no comfort only the sting of an empty baby bed.
Big hugs!!!! Hope to see you tomorrow!!
ReplyDeleteI am thanking Him, right now, for comforting you with the reality of His presence. He is wiping your tears, Summer.
ReplyDeleteOne set of footprints right now, hun.. it's not for us to understand why, but to accept that the why is still glorifying Him.. even though it's the last thing we could possibly desire. Your faith has multiplied 10 fold since you lost your baby.. hold onto that and lean on that if you need a 'why' at any given point to get you through the day. And on the days where you can't find solace in His word, look for Solace in his world.. in your Son and in your husband. <3
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