Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Other Side

I am thankful today.  Not thankful for anything in particular just thankful.  I have spent the last two and a half weeks with this knot, tight, interweaving, large knot in the inside of my stomach.  This morning I got out of bed, I let my puppy out, I refilled my Kerurig with water and prepared my first cup of coffee.  After my coffee was ready I proceeded outside to water my plants.  This might of been a little more relaxing if I didn't have a lab puppy who thinks the water hose is some sort of monster creature and barked the entire time.  But it was neat to see, just over night, how many new buds I had, especially on the daisies.  The morning was beautiful, over cast, there was a cool crispness to it.  When I came inside I realized my knot was gone. 

Backing up a couple of days ago, Friday to be specific.  My awesome friend, Jaci Jackson, and I are doing the Beth More study, Living Beyond Yourself.  We met Friday, I was telling Jaci about my knot and she said "you know I had a knot once and I prayed for the Lord to take it away, and he did" My reaction was "wow, that's great" my thought was "Summer why would you not pray about this knot???" So I prayed for the Lord to take this knot away.  I prayed Friday evening, I prayed Friday night before I went to bed.  I prayed all day Saturday about the knot and everything in between.  Today I thanked God.  My knot is gone.  I can still feel a little anxiety in the bottom of my throat...that may sound odd but I have a little anxiety air bubble in the bottom of my throat that's been there since 4:00 pm October 13, 2011.

Yesterday I decided to take my little pink thumb somewhere it's never  I planted Sweat Peas, orange and yellow Magnolias, trimmed up shrubs, potted lavender, daisies, and sweet basil.  To wake up on April 1st to all this new life growing in and around my house is a little symbolic to how I feel.  I am not trying to get all earthy on everyone here, but for the past two and half weeks I have been lifeless.  I have been buried under the grief.  It has only been in the last week that I have slowly eased out of it.  I made myself run everyday last week.  I truly believe that I must take care of my physical state.  I pulled out my Bible again, began praying full sentences versus the bear murmurs before.  So today, April 1, I have come out on the other side of that grief stricken wave.  Just to be clear coming out of a wave does not mean that I am in the clear, but I have learned there is a clear difference between grieving and being buried under your grief.  There is a difference between you grieving and the grieving controlling you and your thoughts.  So today I am grieving...not grief struck. 
Yellow and Orange Magnolias with planted Sweat Peas in the big planter.

Each flower I planted had meaning behind it.

Sweat Peas and Daisies are Kelsie's birth flowers.
The meaning of Daisies: Innocence, Loyal Love, I'll Never Tell, Purity
Sweet Peas: Good-bye, Departure, Blissful Pleasure, Thank You for a Lovely Time
I planted the orange Magnolias for the Wiggins family in honor of there sweet little boy Damon who passed away this last week.
I planted yellow/golden Magnolias with the orange representing Damon's favorite color, gold representing the color fit for a King, our King, Jesus.  I prayed the Lord would be with their family as they now enter into this life long journey. 
Lavender: my mom said it helped with bugs
Sweet Basil: it smelled amazing...too good to pass up.

My Potted Shasta Daisies. 

So here's hoping that I can keep them all alive.


  1. Beautiful Summer! I love flowers and I am so glad that your knot is gone. I have been praying Philippians 4:6-7 for you and myself since we met. God is so faithful.

  2. Amazing, uplifting, ever faithful. God does work miracles through grief, the proof is you, Summer!

  3. That was supposed to say I love *the flowers...:)

  4. Today I am thankful you are not buried today. Thankful those flowers started your day off with a smile. It is the simple things and how thankful I am. I love you!

  5. I am thankful for this blog Summer, for the way you help me celebrate and be thankful for everything, and for the way you touch my heart with your words.