Abba~
Six months, it's still raining, I am still praising. I hear your whispers, some days I can vaguely hear you through all the noise. You are teaching me, loving me, catching my tears. How could I have made it this far without you my Lord? I have seen my own heart. I tremble with fear and I look away in disgust at my dark ugly heart. This heart that counts every single wrong. A malicious, deceitful, unforgiving heart. I didn't know Lord, I just didn't understand. I was so scared for so long of what I really was. Now I know, Abba, my own heart without you, and this world... without you... is an abyss. Lord I know now that you have restored my heart. My ugly heart is now replaced with yours. Your Spirit echoes truth, your Spirit has covered my heart with your fruits. I know that is through You and You alone Lord, that my messy self can love. Lord I can love, I can forgive, praise you Father in the storm I can have joy. I rejoice in this new heart, I love loving. Please Lord don't give up on me. I seek you- sometimes first, sometimes last - but Lord I try. I praise you when I cry and I praise you when I laugh. Lord I need that cloak, the cloak of love that only you give so that my love will be your love. My desire in the midst of so much pain, anger, frustration, resentment is to love in such away that fault is not seen. That Lord has to be you. I can hardly love at all. To love that deep, without you is impossible. Lord, search my heart you know I speak the truth. Lord send your Spirit to guide me and teach me. Convict me of wrongs, not for shame, but because I need to know you I need wisdom, I need your discernment. Lord I look to the hills and I know where my help comes from, my help comes from You.
<3 Summer
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