Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I miss you Kelsie Sloane

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” 

My Sweet Sweet Song,

So many days have passed since I have held you, since I have smelled that sweet baby smell.  Months actually, but you are as close to my heart as you were the moment I saw two pink lines.  You have left my arms, but my heart is where you will forever stay.  I can't express how much I miss you.  I think about everything so constantly, sometimes I smile but mostly I cry because the emptiness is so raw.  This morning I will have to put one foot in front of the other and move on. Another day of healing, of wading my through all that this has become.  The days of prayer are ongoing.  I am not afraid to die any longer, but unfortunately as with most of the women in our family I am probably going to out live everyone and die around 90 something.  So for me it will be awhile.  My sweet girl, your memories are so treasured your spirit is so loved, I wonder how I will do this.  How long can I keep going, can I keep moving forward?  Last night I found two tubs of Aquaphor that I had waiting for you.  I never wanted your little hiney to get raw I used that stuff every diaper change.  I wanted to fall to my knees, I wanted to throw it out the window.  I just crunched over and cried silently, breathed in and breathed out, brought myself to an upright position and moved forward.  That's it, that's all you can do.  Today will be a just get through it day, I haven't had one in a awhile.  I woke up and the missing was on the surface of my I will miss you, I will cry through all this day brings.  Tomorrow will be better.

I love you Kelsie Sloane,

Always in my heart~

When the missing is so raw, I have to find peace in you Lord.  Walk me through today, help me cling to the peace that you promise.  Allow the missing to hurt, but make sure it heals while it hurts.   Allow me to grieve gracefully, so that through my grief you are glorified. 


  1. I love you and I hope this day goes fast and you will get good rest tonight and maybe tomorrow will be a tad bit easier, I hope!

  2. You don't know me, but I follow your blog through a mutual friend. I pray for you and your family all the time. My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for your loss. Your strength is unbelievable and your heart is so full of love. May God bless you with peace and continued grace!

  3. There is no doubt, none whatsoever, that it is the Holy Spirit who works through you! He totally fills that huge hole and touches us all through your pain and poetry, through your human fault, your humor, your love. Never stop, never ever stop! Rest, ponder, scream, cry, hope, pray, joy, question. God love you, precious girl! He does! He has! He will! A few days ago I discovered how thankful I am for eternity! I thought I always was, but then a thing happened and suddenly I knew how blessed I was to know where my son is. Where your daughter is. We know! We know! We don't have to wonder. Oh my God, it is everything! What if we didn't know? What if we didn't know?? I couldn't bear that torment! I thank God for everyone in my life who has confessed Christ! I thank God that Aaron did, that Kelsie was barely out of His arms until she was back in them again. This moment, I boldly pray that through His Holy Spirit, He would and will make it abundantly clear to those we love as well as to those we don't even know. This pain is temporary. Eternity, now that is something to be reckoned with! I love you!

    1. As always...your words are amazing. I can't tell you how much comfort I find in them. Thank you!