Tuesday, November 22, 2011

On Another Note

I have to say we had a great weekend.  Friday night Dylan had basketball practice.  I am so impressed with his new coach.  He is so organized and the boys are really going to learn some fundamental basketball skills.  I am really excited to watch him and his team play. 

Saturday started out rough.  I really wanted to clean this house.  I tell you, flylady just hasn't been visiting as much lately and there is a lot of cleaning that needs to be done...especially with the new puppy...so I asked my kid time upon time to pick up his stuff.  I tried every nice tactic you could imagine, but on the 5th time when I caught him in the game room playing xbox and I went up stairs to see that his room was still not picked up and I was given this teenage boy attitude when I asked him once again to pick up all his stuff, my blood just went from 98 degrees to boiling in an instant.  I could not calm down, I could not rationalize...yes people crazy mom exploded.  I won't go into details let's just say cabinets were slammed, and doors were used as punching bags and in the end tears shed and hugs given.  That morning Jeff became my calm.  I am pretty sure I scared both him and Dylan and it might of been at that moment that Jeff thought that I might should rethink the idea of not using meds to get through this.  But that being said Jeff was able to sit down with Dylan and speak to him, love him, and explain to him what exactly was going on.  Dylan told Jeff that he really misses Kelsie.  I am sure that a lot of his "attitude" towards me is him taking his grief, his frustrations, his fears, out on me.  I am the only target he has.  This is really hard for me, because is attitude more than anything just flat out hurts my feelings.  This will definitely be one of our topics with our counselor.  Crazy mom needs to stay in her crazy little box.  We all gained composure, I guess I mean I regained composure. Jeff headed off to work and Dylan and I ventured to Fort Worth to watch the TCU game with Heather and Drew and the Slate girls.  Have I mentioned how thankful I am that I have them.  Let's just say everyone needs a rock and the Slate family, they are a great rock to lean on!  Dylan loved watching the football game.  Drew and him talked football stuff we ate all the bad stadium food one person could handle and the girls played.  It was awesome. 

We ended our night at a Brazilian Steakhouse, Phogo De Chow (sp?).  Jeff met Dylan and I there and a few of our great friends.  We laughed, we ate tons of meat, we just lived in that moment.  Dylan loves this place...he never eats as much as he does when we go to Phogo De Chow (sp?)

Sunday morning was spent as a family in church.  My cup overfloweth...

There is another side to grief.  The living does and must continue.  Moments are still enjoyable, love is still alive, and family and friends are still fun to be around.  It's a different kind of living.  There are several times throughout the day that I have to breathe my way through the tears but when moments are important I am given the breathe it takes to get through.
Dyaln and Me after our 5K last weekend.  I loved doing this with him.  He loved it as well.  We already have two more races we are signed up  for.  I better get to training...this little turkey beat me by 5 minutes!!


  1. I am so thankful for this "Note". I took a bath last night and watched your video about 5 times and cried till there were no more tears. Sometimes it feels like crying isnt enough, the pain and heartache is just turning like a bad stomachache, but knowing you have good moments through out your day, that eases my stomachache just a little bit. I am so thankful for those times. I love you guys so much!

  2. Ditto, Jesika! Crazy mom, I wonder where you get that from? i am pretty sure it is in your blood! I love ya'll so much and can't wait to see you.

  3. You and Jeff are Dylan's rock. He needs you and he needs those moments to know he is still important and matters.
    You are an amazing mom. Praying for a day full of easy breathing for you and Dylan.

  4. It's refreshing to know your having "crazy mom" moments. It's people who never allow themselves to grieve that one should be worried about. The emotions of sorts are ansure sign of Gods footprints and a reassurment that you are in no need of meds. As for your amazing strong willed and passionate boy, we all deal in different ways. I love your "note" today. Xo