Sunday, October 23, 2011

The Brutal Truth

Tonight I don't want to have to be strong, I want my world to be as I knew it just three Sundays ago.  Tonight I don't want to cherish her memories, I want to make more.  Tonight I don't want to cry on her pink blanket, I want to hear her cry and wrap her up in her pink blanket.  I want my baby back.  I long for more than just one more night, I long for the lifetime that I had planned for us!

Adrianna, my beautiful sweet niece, was here this weekend.  She said we should just write Jesus a letter and say, Jesus please please please just let us have Kelsie one more night we promise promise we will bring her back Amen.

Tonight I will curl up next to my husband and we will cry together just as we have every night since her death.  I am so thankful to have him someone to hold my hand someone to tell me it's not ok tonight but we will someday be ok. 


  1. I sure do love you. It will get better.

  2. It is easy for me to say that it will be OK, but in reality it will be fine or a little better, but it will never be the same as it was. However, the new "OK" will be good when you get there and you will treasure that time, just as you treasured your time with Kelsie. I wish I could take your pain away and make all of this go away. I wish for so many things for you, Jeff, and Dylan and I get upset that I can make those things happen for you and that makes me sad. Then I think about Kelsie and that she is in Heaven with God and what must that be like. Then my next thought is why is she not here. I know my moods swing so I know your do also. That is just how it is going to be for awhile. But I do not want you to upset or sad that you have a good day with jeff and Dylan. Kelsie would not want you to not enjoy your time with your family. I know that your enjoyment will bring a deeper sadness because you know that she is not here to enjoy it with the rest of you. I love you all and I am praying for healing and comfort. I am always here for you. Love you.