Wrestle

"My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word." Psalm 119:28 

According to Your word, Lord, strengthen me.  From October 13th 2011 to this very day my consistent prayer has been less of me more of you.  I want to do this your way Lord, not mine.  I want love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self control.  I want the fruit of Your Spirit to pour out of me.  So why if I pray this, do I wrestle when God is holding my hand through meekness?  Why do I question Him when He is only answering my prayers.  He is showing me His love through His word and I am fighting it.  He is dragging me through this one.  

Meekness says, "God, if this what You want, then since You promised me it will work together for good, since You promised that it will make me like Christ, since You promised that by enduring this I won't be ashamed when I see You at Your coming, and since you promised that this endurance gives me a crown to lay at Your feet-then God, if it pleases You, it pleases me." ~Kay Arthur "As Silver Refined"

Those that are closest to me  know that meekness, which also can mean gentleness, is just not my finest quality.  Actually knowing myself so well, I would say that in the face of affliction and or oppression I myself rarely exhibit this quality.  I retaliate quickly without forethought, and I usually find ways to repay nastiness with nastiness.  If I don't do this outwardly, my heart has worked through this, and the Holy Spirit transformed my heart and then and only then is meekness my finest trait.  This past week, in the Kay Arthur study "As Silver Refined" meekness is where the Lord has my heart.  It is through meekness that I am learning to not just walk through life's disappointments, but I am learning to embrace them.  Yes, this is the power of Christ, this is the power of the cross.  I can take these disappointments even the tragic death of my daughter and embrace them.  What?!  Oh I did and still do just wrestle with this.  

This does not say I am happy through these disappointments, that is not the goal.  My goal is holiness, not happiness.  In holiness the weight of Glory far out weighs my circumstance, my disappointments, and even my successes.  So I have to get serious about God's transformation.

The wrestling...

Father; Meekness? In the middle of grief?  O Lord can we just lye down in green pastures together.  Can we just talk about being close to the brokenhearted.   In the midst of so many disappointments are you sure my heart can be transformed.  

Beloved: I am your supplier, meekness is required, but it's already in you, it is your fruit, it is My Spirit.  Remember you are complete in Christ, you labor only striving according to my power, which mightily works within you. (COL 1:28-29) My statutes are your delight; they are your counselors, beloved I love you, I sent my son to die for you.  Meekness is for your good not for your harm.  I can't promise it will be easy, but I can promise I am near to you, and yes your heart has already been transformed so in the midst of the storm allow me to be your refiner, allow me to mold my creation into the perfect image, the image of my son Christ, your Savior.

The Surrender...

"Meekness is manifested in the face of affliction and trial and in the face of oppression and evil.  The meek are not looking at the situation or the circumstances but at our sovereign God"  ~Kay Arthur "As Silver Refined"

Abba, Yes!  Make my heart like yours.  I trust you, daily I will pick up my cross and in the midst of affliction, oppression, and trial I will turn to you.  I will remember your promises, your unconditional love.   I will do good when faced with oppression and evil. I will look to you as my example of perfect meekness.  My Lord, My Savior, My King entering in on an ass. 

Tell ye the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy King cometh unto thee, meek, and sitting upon an ass, and a colt the foal of an ass. (Mathew 21:5 KJV)

Today-I am so thankful for a dear friend that walks with me weekly through each and everyone of our studies.  Yesterday she talked about Moses, and what happened when Amalek attack the people of Israel.

So Joshua did what Moses had commanded and fought the army of Amalek. Meanwhile, Moses, Aaron, and Hur climbed to the top of a nearby hill. As long as Moses held up the staff in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage. Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle. (Exodus 17:10-13)

Oh, how the Lord has blessed my with many friends that bring me a rock to sit on and they hold my arms high when I am just too tired, they hold my arms high away from my circumstance and toward my Savior.   There is nothing sweeter than this friendship, a friendship built on the promises of the Cross.  This is meekness, this is the cultivation of faithfulness, keeping friendships alive even when sorrow is so bountiful.