Monday, July 30, 2012
A mother's brokenness written across a computer screen is what I am now. Not defined by that, but it is a part me, a very deep and confusing part of who I am. I wake up praying and I lay my head down at night praying. Not always knowing what I am saying, what to say, and yes sometimes not even knowing if it is going to make any difference at all. Tonight in the quiet I just sat still. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't even call out "Abba" my heart is just that broken. I know He promises to stay close to the broken hearted and I can see in my life the perfect word picture of this but "Abba" is just as far as I feel my daughter is this Monday night. In the quiet I long for noise, an annoying toy, a scream, a cry, a laugh, but I know that in this season it is silence, a season of quiet. Peace? Yes, peace. How could there be peace in the midst of such heartache, how in the deep longing, in the confusion is there peace. "Abba"