Wednesday, April 18, 2012


9:24 pm and I am exhausted, not tired, not lazy, absolutely exhausted.  To wear a necklace with Kelsie's picture and have several people throughout the day ask about her is hard.  To cry so sadly then belly laugh in the same hour is confusing and the confusion is so tiresome.  Emptying your suitcase and finding a small pink sock from a trip in another life, another time is heart wrenching.  To speak to a counselor about your deepest emotions while she helps you pick through them, sort them out, it is just mind numbing.  To dedicate your morning to prayer and to dive into the word of God so intimately, yes it is comforting, but it is not an easy task.  The warfare spreads like wildfires and my armor just drags behind me...I am so tired.  My head aches, my body is sore, I feel as if I just left the battlefield, the realization of this is that the battle has only just begun. 

Grieving is not for the weak. Tackling these emotions head on everyday takes strength, it takes courage if you ever think that someone who grieves for another must be weak you are so very wrong and I pray that you never have to experience tragedy of any sort.

1 comment:

  1. The mixture of joy and sadness is a complexity that I have experienced so often the past two years. I understand what you mean by confusing. I am thankful for those moments amidst the sorrow that I am also able to truly still laugh. And even to belly laugh. And that is was a real laugh. In a life that can be so hard, the relief of joy or laughter...even momentary is truly a gift.

    I am sorry that it is so hard.

    Praying for you dear friend!