Saturday, October 29, 2011

"Greive not as those who have no hope" 1Thess. 4:13

In your death, sweet angel, I find hope.  It's not constant, it's just glimpses, but those glimpses shine like your eyes when you smiled.  It is that light, that hope that allows me to know that it is okay to move on.  Friday we did a lot of moving on.  It was muddy and my feet where so heavy but it was just my feet.  My heart was not heavy, my head was not foggy.

Brother and I went to Friday live and for the first time you were not with me.  Your brother looked so so handsome.  He dressed up for a field trip to the opera.  What a morning, your brother was a real turkey.  He didn't want to dress up and he did not have any desire to go to this opera.   I had promised him donuts for straight A's but that didn't work out for us so he was upset about that as well.  I loved every minute of it.  Sweet girl, because of you, I am a better mom.  I understand that just because the moments may not be the ones we see in the pictures these are still life's precious moments and I loved Dylan giving me such a hard time that morning.  I loved his bad attitude and his somber demeanor.  I am so grateful that God has given me this undeniable strength to be present in all things that are still here.

We put away your swing in the living room, I cry even as a write because that was so much a part of you and the space it left was so empty. Every night I would bath you, hold you close as you drank your warm bottle.  You would fade away just on the brink of sleep.  I would gather your tiny body so close as I walked you to the swing, I kissed your cheek and whispered goodnight my sunshine.  You would lay in that swing pull your blanket just over your face and before the song would end your beautiful eyes where closed.  Most nights I kept you in that swing until it was my bedtime.  I just loved having you right there to see you sleep.  When it was time for bed, I would gently wrap my hands around you, roll by sweet chunky roll until you were safe is my arms.  Then ever so gently and quietly I would carry you up the stairs and place you in your crib.  I remember thinking each night how much bigger you where than the night before.  You did grow that fast, babies do grow just that fast.  Oh sweet girl even though your swing is gone, and I am somehow learning to live in this new world that was forced upon me, I promise you that you will always be in my heart.  Please please save me seat next you up one for us all.  I love you today just as I did yesterday.



  1. I love you so much!! Your strength is a true testimony to God's Grace. All my love, mom

  2. so precious are your thoughts. -love you friend

  3. So beautiful. I miss the swing with you right now sweetheart.

  4. My sweet precious neice, the first time I ever saw you was in your swing, infact your Aunt Kristen and I got you the swing. I knew you would have to have one because Preslee had one and she loved it!! I remember walking into your house after a long drive from Lovington for your baby shower and you were sound asleep in your swing. I picked you up and saw your sweet face in person for the first time. I already knew that I loved you but seeing your sweet face confirmed it. That weekend was the only time I got to spend with you but it didnt matter because I knew you through your mom we talked about you all the time and how you were on the fast track to be just like your crazy cousin Preslee. I love you and Dylan like you are my own,that happens when your sisters have kids! I will always love you Kelsie to the moon and back. Love Aunt Jesika