Saturday, October 29, 2011
"Greive not as those who have no hope" 1Thess. 4:13
Brother and I went to Friday live and for the first time you were not with me. Your brother looked so so handsome. He dressed up for a field trip to the opera. What a morning, your brother was a real turkey. He didn't want to dress up and he did not have any desire to go to this opera. I had promised him donuts for straight A's but that didn't work out for us so he was upset about that as well. I loved every minute of it. Sweet girl, because of you, I am a better mom. I understand that just because the moments may not be the ones we see in the pictures these are still life's precious moments and I loved Dylan giving me such a hard time that morning. I loved his bad attitude and his somber demeanor. I am so grateful that God has given me this undeniable strength to be present in all things that are still here.
We put away your swing in the living room, I cry even as a write because that was so much a part of you and the space it left was so empty. Every night I would bath you, hold you close as you drank your warm bottle. You would fade away just on the brink of sleep. I would gather your tiny body so close as I walked you to the swing, I kissed your cheek and whispered goodnight my sunshine. You would lay in that swing pull your blanket just over your face and before the song would end your beautiful eyes where closed. Most nights I kept you in that swing until it was my bedtime. I just loved having you right there to see you sleep. When it was time for bed, I would gently wrap my hands around you, roll by sweet chunky roll until you were safe is my arms. Then ever so gently and quietly I would carry you up the stairs and place you in your crib. I remember thinking each night how much bigger you where than the night before. You did grow that fast, babies do grow just that fast. Oh sweet girl even though your swing is gone, and I am somehow learning to live in this new world that was forced upon me, I promise you that you will always be in my heart. Please please save me seat next you up there...save one for us all. I love you today just as I did yesterday.