Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Current of Grace

I heard a story told of a mother eagle the other day.  Eagles build their nest out of thorny branches, prickly grass and all other harsh elements.  When the baby eagles first hatch they are comforted by the nest, they feel safe and secure.  As time goes on the nest becomes uncomfortable, the wind gusts, the sand blows, the thorny branches that once felt so safe are now unbearable.  There comes a point when the baby eagles can't stand it anymore they would literally rather die than go on living in that nest.  They jump out, no warning and no hesitation, they just jump.  As they are falling to what they assume is death, their mom opens her wings and swoops down underneath and carries them back to their nest.  She does this time after time until they all learn to fly.

As parents we would all like to think that we have built this nest of comfort, stability, and security for our families, but we have to remember that the world has built them a nest of unpredictable harsh elements that we are unable to protect them from.   Kelsie's death is something that I can not protect Dylan from.  I can see the hurt in is eyes when we talk about her.  I can feel how lonely he is in the mornings without her.  I know her death stings him to an unimaginable degree.  He is so confused and saddened by losing his sister.   I know that in this analogy the eagle, to most, would be representative of God, and that he is carrying us.  But is not true that the wind currents are what carry the eagle, what allow the eagle to soar?  I see myself as this Eagle, I must do the work, I have to work hard against the wind to flap my wings, and then when the time is right I have to spread my wings, swoop down catch Dylan, catch Jeff and allow / trust his Grace to let me soar.  I have only suffered the loss of Kelsie for 9 days today but  for me, her mother, it has been an eternity.  I feel when God is allowing me to flap my wings so that I am able to feel my way through the sorrow and sadness and just when I feel it is too much to be bear, I take Dylan, I take Jeff and the current of His Grace carries me through.

1 comment:

  1. Amen and amen. It's incredible how early we learn. Weston has witnessed so much loss at such a young age, but I believe he is the deeper for it. He is a child who has already experienced asking Jesus into his heart and doing so while fighting tears in his eyes.

    Though many times loss comes to us in a sudden way, I know it is not sudden to God. It is never a surprise to him. Of course, I'd always heard this, but the absolute confirmation of it came from something that happened to my sister. Here is the link to a short 5 page story of it. I wrote an entire manuscript in grief and somewhat in healing but I do think healing is in a whole lifetime and then ultimately in Heaven. The manuscript was at one time 500 pages and then halved. Over and over again, even now, this many years later, I still come back to it, to this day, 20 days before Aaron was KIA, a day thought to be ordinary but written in Heaven all along.

    As God loves you and I, so He loves Jeff and Dylan.

    Your thought and sketchings of those thoughts is beautiful and meant to be shared. God has blessed you with the ability to express that well in prose. Perhaps you should explore that further. I have never found it strange that I graduated from Tech on December 20, 2003, specializing in Creative Writing. Aaron was killed 4 months and six days later. I could never have finished school after that but you are much younger than me, Summer. Just a thought. Nothing is coincidence. The Bible, though written by The Holy Spirit ultimately, was written and given to us by ordinary men and women who suffered and learned much. While its final message is hope, it is also about tragedy and suffering. When we share our pain, we are not only slouphing away a part of it, we are also telling another, perhaps someone unknown to us that they are not exceptional in their aloneness or questions and it may open doors to Heaven that might not have been there otherwise. What if there was someone out there who would receive a message of hope out of your tragedy. See, I don't believe the tragedy was meant for you and Jeff and Dylan alone, but also for at least one other, someone who might be saved out of it. We say we are Christ's but don't really relish the idea of suffering with Him. If we are Kingdom people, then we may be sure He will use our losses to further that Kingdom. Eternity is a long and forever time, and though nine days into it, it certainly may feel like time drags, but it doesn't. Today, here I sit, 56 years old and feeling it. I still have a few to bury at my age, if I live long enough, but I'm here to tell you that I have nearly as many there in Heaven to love as I have left here :) and certainly all my children are there! I don't say this to promote sorrow for myself but to add that often I wonder why I am left here. Evidently, my purpose has not been met yet and several times in a week, I ask myself and God just what that purpose is. I may never know, but of this I'm sure, Kelsie's purpose was met, as was Aaron's and as was Shane's or they would still be here with us. That is certainly not too hard for the God who created them and shared them with us, albeit for such a short time.

    Well, I have blah blahed again, as I do. Here is that link I mentioned earlier.